Mommin' Ain't Easy: Part 2

Sometimes the way back is the way forward. Moving: 4 years - 28 commercial spaces viewed and many trials, tribulations, tears, laughs, frustrations, and quite a bit of learning in between. Now - TRIUMPH - we have FINALLY found our new home. I say we because it’s not just me, but enter gal pal and trauma therapist extraordinaire Anna Dickson. Anna is a dynamite human who is sole owner of her new business: EMBER + ROOT: modern therapy & counseling. This has been in the works for literally YEARS. (Fun fact: Anna and I went to kindergarten together!) Our businesses and brands meld in the most amazing, synergistic, cohesive way ever and I couldn’t be more excited and elated to reopen with her by my side! We are headed to 76 Margaret Street. I said in the beginning the way back is the way forward and what I mean by that is we will be located in the same building that I previously left for West Bay Plaza, just one floor down. I have always loved this building - it’s old and creaky, has character and history, and is in the heart of Downtown Plattsburgh. The space we have been creating is a coming straight from our souls. It will be a safe space of pure healing. It will be a place where patients and clients walk in and just simply exhale. It is surely one of those situations where nearly every box was checked and we have continuously pinched ourselves over and over again thinking, “is this actually happening?” It will be a whole damn vibe and it feels so right. We cannot wait for you to see and feel it too!

Rewind to early October - shit was hitting the fan in new and unexpected ways. I moved my practice out of my previous home with Welcare Chiropractic to my actual home where it would remain in storage until the next big leap. My grandmother, Florence Mary Rock, of 96 years was in the active phases of dying and I - 10 months pregnant and about to give birth to a baby. Birth and death cycles occurring simultaneously. It’s so hard to feel like you’re on any stable ground when there are two HUGE life events happening simultaneously with unknown timing. Add to that an additional birth and death as my role of mother to one child was transitioning to mother to two children. I had no idea what was in store.

Gram deteriorated throughout the month, which absolutely shredded me. It felt so layered as I kept imaging her holding my unborn baby. The mother, grandmother, great-grandmother energy was strong. I didn’t know the sex my baby and I asked her right before she was unable to communicate anymore. She looked right into my eyes and said, “you’re going to have a girl.” Gram passed away on October 21st and my beautiful daughter, Stella Florence Talley, was born just 5 days later. In fact, I was in labor during her services just PRAYING I would make it through. She arrived promptly on her due date.

I would be lying if I said the next few weeks weren’t difficult. Any parent understands what i’m saying here because having a newborn is WOOF. Add to that a rambunctious toddler and now we have pure chaos. Here we were again grieving and mourning the loss of our family of three. It’s not as if this time wasn’t filled with love and wonderful moments, but I’ve come to terms with accepting what is true. Kid #2, and you just know too much. It’s useful in some ways where epiphanies come sooner - weeks not months to accept our new reality. The choice is: go kicking and screaming - or soften in. The daily question I’ve been asking myself is, “How can I become just 5% more comfortable here and now?” …because fighting it and digging my heels into the ground doesn’t serve. It won’t work because the only constant in life is CHANGE and frankly, worry is a downpayment on a problem you might never have.

If you ask me how I am - I will tell you honestly. A huge pet peeve of mine are those who say, “how are you doing - good?” The answer is no, KAREN. I’m not good. Please don’t insert any answer before you actually know. I am in the trenches trying to navigate postpartum life meanwhile putting finishing touches on a new practice space and trying to wrap my head around reopening. I love and miss my work and I will just say it: I’m not okay to be home with my kids all day everyday. (Shout out to all the amazing stay at home moms - I don’t know how you do it. You’re amazing!) Does this mean I’m a bad mom because my family needs me? I answer that in one simple statement, “No because I need me.” I need me to be okay so she and her big sister can be okay. I need me so my marriage and my household can be okay. So I work on my business every single day. I put in a few hours per day away from my kids and my house in order to stay afloat in my own body. I give myself permission to feel wonderful about being away from them building my first ever baby - my business baby: Avenue Acupuncture.

I was reading the first blog I posted after my first daughter Hazel was born. I wrote, “In my case it felt more like my entire identity was covered in gasoline, set on fire, and burned to the ground in a raging blistering fire that left me in a pile of dust.” Can fire be unruly, non-contained, scary? Fuck yes it can, but the second time around, I’d say this statement is only partially true and I can recognize that fire isn’t always obliterating, but transformative.

As 2021 comes to a close, I am excited for what is to come in both life and business. I won’t pretend that I’m the same person I was through 10 months of pregnancy, labor, delivery, postpartum, the death of a dear loved one, and now as a mother to two beautiful daughters. I am continuously upgrading. I am buffering. I am becoming 2.0 version of myself - but still limited edition.

I’m so excited for you all to see what unfolds. Stay tuned for detailed information about reopening.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all!