2020: The Year of Expansions and a Letter to Myself
In the interest of not just spouting off a bunch of “do this - do that” type of wellness and health tips, I decided I am going to share with you the expansions and insights that have come fourth in my own self work through the year 2020. I hesitate to use the word “lessons” and have therefore substituted it with the word “expansions.” I view all of the tough times, trials, and tribulations this year as an invitation to continue to grow and expand.
Dear Danielle,
It has been a really wild and crazy year and quite the shitshow at times. You’ve grown a business - even through a global pandemic with your office closed for 4 long months, continued to cultivate a loving relationship with your husband, continued to raise Hazel babe, kept a house from not collapsing, and still have what appears to be a thriving life. A+ my friend. It was not without its own special brand of discomfort and “growing pains.”
Here are some of the reflections, insights, and expansions from 2020:
1.) You are limited edition and you matter so take care. It is never selfish to take care of yourself. If the thought of “I don’t have time for a work out, I don’t have time to meditate, journal, do yoga, or cook this nourishing meal” pops in your head, you know it’s a sham. It’s an old pattern that you’ve done the work to become quite familiar with - it’ll always show up first, sitting at the front of the class with its arm raised up high. It always thinks it knows the answers. It’s your frontal cortex - logic thinking brain. It can trick you into thinking it’s answer is your only option. What you know to be true is that underneath that part of you is another part - your truth. It doesn’t reside in your head - it resides in your heart. You are always happier, more focused, and more able to do all your other tasks with more ease if you don’t skip your “self care.”
As an aside: let me just say that “self-care” is complete bullshit. I’m going to stop and take back what i’m saying - stick with me. Self-care as we know it is bullshit - meaning our “idea” of self care in the west. It’s depicted as a super feel good, wonderful time where we lay in baths and shove donuts in our mouths, while simultaneously binge watching our favorite Netflix shows. That might feel great for an afternoon, but is that really self-care???? No - I believe self-care is sort of like parenting our own selves - eating our broccoli, making space and time to breathe, doing a work out, being nice to ourselves, but also calling ourselves out when we are acting like helpless victims and raging assholes. The ultimate point is that: Self-care doesn’t always FEEL GOOD. Sometimes friends, it feels really bad to feel our raw human emotions. It ain’t all just good vibes all the time. That’s also kind of the point - feeling raw human emotion in real time is often the fastest way to move through emotions, which I believe to be the ultimate self-care.
2.) Overworking causes you to win the “no prize-prize” - AKA: EXHAUSTION. The key here for you is noticing when something does not feel invigorating or “with ease.” Newsflash - not every task will feel like it can be accomplished with ease. But when does it feel like you’re really dragging? You’re forcing yourself to do certain tasks and draining your life force in the process. You must pause to see what is actually occurring right now in your body and do this on the regular - make it a habit.
3.) Family and friends are priorities. Being told to socially and physically distance to “stay safe” feels like a protective measure on one hand and a trap on the other. You miss that social aspect as you’ve always been a social butterfly. We are social creatures as human beings! Relationships are important to you, but also notice which of those relationships feel the most nourishing. Use FaceTime, zoom, or texting to stay close and connected to those who you don’t see regularly, but feel connected to and want to sustain relationships. Let go of relationships that are not serving you. You don’t have to please everyone - in fact, it’s just not possible.
4.) Dissociation can happen easily for you. Getting lost in your cell phone through instagram or other social media, drinking too much red wine, going shopping, or plowing through tasks on your to do list without a second thought are ways your mind has tricked you to reduce the connection to your body. You’re also quite familiar with dissociation from past trauma. You know what it feels like to be in and what it feels like to be out of your body. I’ll just remind you here that you always feel the most at peace when you’re IN. Building in spaces to pause to ask yourself on the spectrum how IN or OUT of your body you are is useful. Keep doing that, girlfriend.
5.) Happiness does not come from an external source: YOU HAVE all you need to be happier and healthier all from within. If motivation is coming from an external source, it’s more than likely not going to be sustained. The next time someone tries to sell you in a hot new fad that will solve all your problems - think again. YOU will be the one to solve your problems. The answers lie within - if only you make space for them to emerge. Oh and when they do emerge - IT IS MAGIC.
6.) Being an observer of your patients has shown you the importance of allowing the body to shift from sympathetic “fight or flight” to parasympathetic “rest and digest.” What lies beneath the “rah-rah- I’m plowing through life mentality? In order for you to discern what is ACTUALLY happening in your body, you must shift your nervous system into “rest and digest.” With your nervous system shifted into parasympathetic you often have a much stronger connection to source energy. You can more easily discern what is right for you and what direction is best at this time. Taking the time and space to notice what is not just unconsciously happening is KEY for you. That way you aren’t looking back a year from now wondering why you aren’t in the place you intended to be.
7.) Overthinking does not serve you. In order for you to reduce overthinking, you’ve learned that you must ask your body the same question you’ve been pondering in your mind. Remember: You are not your mind - you are not your thoughts. Discernment does not just come from your brain - it comes from your whole body. Your body is transmitting A TON of useful information about your truth and how to live more closely to it. It’s not just about “figuring something out,” It is honestly just about softening into what is true right now. Slow down and ask your body because the answer is always true and it always emerges. Be quiet to notice - did that answer just come from your mind? Or your body? You know the difference by now.
8.) Just own it. (It being your life - that isn’t just happening TO YOU, by the way, but FOR YOU.) It’s no one else’s “fault,” but that doesn’t mean judge yourself too. When I say “it,” I mean own your truth, light, and dark - but have compassion for yourself along the way. Pay attention to the self talk. If your thoughts were projected on a loud speaker for all the world to hear, would you be proud of it?
Life ain’t always rainbows, butterflies, love, light, and feel good shit. It’s seeing yourself fully and ACCEPTING WHAT IS RIGHT NOW IN THIS MOMENT.
A word on fear. You know from a Chinese Medicine perspective that fear weakens the kidneys and those who have weakened kidney energy are more fearful in general. The kidneys are the basis of life for us. This is the location of our life force, our digestive fires, our ability to sustain, and our immune system. Fear mongering is a real thing right now. In order to best support your kidneys (especially during winter!!!) is to eat energetically warm food, keep yourself warm, rest and sleep enough, reduce coffee and alcohol intake, and CUT OUT those folks in your life who are amping up the fear response for you. Change is literally the one constant force in your life. Stand tall, but soften in.
Murder hornets, covid, racial injustice, fires, floods, tropical storms. Life is truly hard enough. SELF LOVE IS A RADICAL REVOLUTIONARY ACTUALIZATION.
You are so fucking resilient.
Stay awake, my friend, and make the shift from “resolutions” to “intentions” and from “lessons” to “expansions.” You got this.
Love,
Danielle